Years ago I was basically a train-wreck of a person. After hitting rock bottom I found myself on this unexpected and beautiful journey of self remembrance. I don’t believe there is anything to discover, but everything to simply remember about how magnificent we are. Anyway … on my road to remembering I started studying metaphysics and found myself captivated by a meditation called Merkabah. Amazingly, it had less to do with meditation and everything to do with the music that my teacher used to guide us through the process.
For months I was consumed by a string of musical notes that took me on a journey of self awakening and abundant joy. No matter how I try describe it, I don’t think there are enough passionate or descriptive words to express my connection to this music.
I should have guessed that my teacher (in her controversial approach to everything in life) would have picked the music by Peter Gabriel for Martin Scorsese‘s The last temptation of Christ. It was made in 1988, I was introduced to it in 2003 and never heard it again after the middle of 2005. Damn, I was devastated when I lost my copy of it and even more horrified at how impossible it was to trace.
It was so totally controversial that I had three different music shops trying to get it imported for me and they couldn’t. I tried to find it online but it was always out of stock … so I gave up and decided that it might be a sign and time to put that part of me behind.
Incredibly, the connection to the music has nothing at all to do with the movie … as a matter of fact it has nothing to do with anything except the place it took me to … me! Well, it took me to the truth of who I as then …
Then, a few weeks ago and totally out of the blue, a friend gets hold of me and says while cleaning out her car she found a her CD of The last temptation.
The timing has been incredible. I’ve really had a few days filled with a combination of the most exciting and scary things at the same time. I am only beginning to understand the magnitude of the power of believing in myself and can’t believe the incredible opportunities I’ve manifested in a few short weeks.
It’s amazing that the music returned to me at a time when I can listen to it and be friends with the memory of who I was. It was at that time when I would have to force myself to look in the mirror and say “I’m smart and sexy” when I the reflection screamed back that I was ugly and obese. It was then that I didn’t know who I was or where I was going. It was a time when the temptation to give up and give in was all I knew … It was my last temptation!
I have been listening to each note of the music with such self pride and love. I’ve driven with it blaring in my ears and smiled fondly with the part of me who heard it when my temptation was to self destruct … but that was my last temptation!
I have felt myself slip back into those amazing places I found in my meditations and visited them with fondness and abundant respect for who I was then and who I knew I could be … and I am … even when I had the temptation to hate and destroy myself … but that too was my last temptation!
‘Project me’ is beyond my expectation and wildest imaginings on every level. Who I have blossomed to be in 236 days and what ‘project me’ as a blog has meant to me and the world around me. The combination of the memories of who I was and what I have the ability to be, has taken my project (me) and fueled it with so much self love, pride and AWESOMENESS (that’s for you Robbie) that I know I truly am that powerful!
Telling yourself the truth, overcoming the fears and having the time of your life while you are at it … isn’t that so very tempting? A lasting temptation maybe?