Your eyes do not deceive you. I am blogging twice in one night and all in desperate need to keep to my self inflicted promise of blogging daily. I know that I could change that at any time, but the crazy things is that not one part of me wants to. I love blogging daily for so many reason … but something happened on day 191.
I meditate in the mornings and my mediations are as unique and strange as I am. If I had to compare myself to others who meditate I might conclude that someone in the equation is a little crazy. I don’t watch my mind and I don’t try to still it either. I don’t listen to guided visualisation or sit in a meditation position. I merely wake up in the morning, curl up into a fetal position and place a crystal the size of a giant gorilla’s fist by my tummy. I then close my eyes and go to my special place where a dragon, a wolf and a goddess are waiting for me. Oh … I meet them on the beach, by the way. So I usually lie in the sand and rest against my wolf while my dragon shades me and I chat to my goddess. I call them ‘my’ because everything is our own creation and because I choose to believe in them, they are real. Real to me 😉
Anyway … while I was chatting to my goddess and chilling under the umbrella of a massive dragon wing, she told me to do something. She told me to ask myself ‘What does my soul crave?’
Yes … they speak to me! That’s how I choose my reality to be!
Right, so she tells me to ask myself what my soul is craving. She says to ask it when I wake up, before I eat, when I’m alone and when I’m with people. She tells me to just ask it as much as I can whenever I remember. She also says to not tell Greggie … because I tell Greggie everything … I repeat … everything !
So I don’t tell Greggie (sorry Greggie … tee hee) and I start to ask myself … and the cravings of the soul burst forth. Yep … that dramatic.
Now the cravings are rampant.
Greggie notices the slightest change in me. We are not best friends for some hap hazard good time. We are each other’s mirror and insight into ourselves … and I’ve been acting different.
Different or truly me? I’m not quite sure as yet but it seems my soul has been craving a whole lot …
Healthy food … I want fresh and healthy! Greggie so knew there was something up with that. I don’t give a damn about figuring out what is going to make me thin or what the dietitians say … my soul just wants fresh, fun and healthy!
Chilling … that’s why I didn’t write! My soul just wanted to chill. I can feel that it’s not done chilling either. I want to lie in bed for a while and not have the millions of thoughts that always run through my head disturb the movies I watch. That’s why I didn’t blog. Because my soul is craving time without the laptop and without the words.
Writing … oh now that I’m craving time without the laptop my soul decides to crave writing. This has been a crazy craving. One that I have to do something with because it’s making me grumpy and my dearest friend is definitely picking up on that and getting the backlash of it. I’m doing something about it and taking a few days to write from home. I used to stay in bed all day and just write and I can’t believe how much my soul is craving it.
I just want to write!
Gym … well blow me down with the flap of a butterflies wings … I miss gym. If you would have told me that a few months ago I would have laughed in your face. I’m supposed to hate gym and drag myself there. My last gym experience was a bit of an awakening that I needed to take gym more seriously and my soul craved a decent pair of cross trainers. It also craved a new pair of gym pants (which I have been putting off buying for months because I just don’t spend money on myself no matter how beneficial it will be) and a water bottle and a cool towel with a little storage space. Woo hoo that my soul was craving that.
That’s only going to happen when I shake this flu though … which is another soul craving. Eeeww … I’ve been trying to rush getting better and pumping all those fizzy vitamin c tablets down my throat. I know my body and I am now listening to my soul craving and my soul is merely craving the time it takes for my body to feel better. It will happen in perfect timing and I will have been in harmony with ‘project me’ … goalless and purposeful!
Fun … now that I’m really craving. Sex seems to be falling into this one a lot and I don’t have anyone on the scene right now. All the men in my life have formed these new bonds with me and I find myself in a strange place. Wanting but not being in a desperate state of having to go into hunting mode and finding. Just wanting it seems to be fun enough right now. So in the meantime I’m deciding that rugby is my new sex and I’m pushing to go watch it live. Poor Greggie, once again, he’s been dragged into this whole obsession without really understanding why … but I swear it, my soul wants rugby! And sex!
Teaching … I think this is my biggest soul craving of all. This is also my hugest ego frustration. In my ideal world I walk into a room full of people and I stand up and teach. In the real world I have to fill the room. It’s getting frustrating and it’s getting to both Greggie and me. My soul is craving teaching but my ego is stagnant when it comes to throwing myself out into the world and banging on drums until someone hears me. I think this is the one place where I can really say for sure that the soul does get frustrated. It gets mad as hell that the only thing that is standing in my way is me. It get frustrated and pissed off and starts to rattle inside me that I believe in the crazy notions like fear and failure. It’s like a bull that’s ready to charge and I won’t let myself open up the damn gates! I don’t know what my dragon, goddess and wolf knew that I didn’t … but it’s awoken cravings that my soul is determined to manifest!
I have taken one step forward and two steps back since the beginning of ‘project me’. I very much doubt that my life will have a different pattern because I learn so much with every direction of every step, but over the past few days I have been so humbled by ‘project me’!
If I were not determined to be happy and have fun I would not push for my consciousness and in the consciousness I listen to the voices in my head and know they speak from magical sources that have profound messages. In that I listen, I push, I explore, and I grow! I’m having the time of my life … I’m loving every moment of being me even though some of the cravings are frustrating.
It’s one step forward and two steps back … so it seems that my soul is craving a little dancing too 😉