Huddled on the couch, with a warm glow of serenity, I can’t help but be in awe of the lessons that life has thrown at me in just a few day. It’s cold outside, but all I feel is contentment and a proud student of life.
I wasn’t supposed to be on the couch. I was meant to be at a charity event that a radio personality invited me to, for the day. She made all the plans and somewhere along the line communications were missed and I wasn’t on the guest list. That happens. I’m the lady who smiles and says, ‘it’s okay, we all make mistakes’, but this story isn’t about what I know about myself … it’s about what I’m learning about myself.
Supporting my friend, who was supporting her friend, who was a part of the charity event, I stood around with grace until the organiser turned to me and said, “we’ll have to put you at a space we can find and we don’t have any cutlery for you, as you weren’t catered for. My friend, storming off in her celebrity status and tagging my social media status with her, was determined to rectify the situation. While I sipped on coffee and looked out over the event’s people pottering around, I reflected on other scenarios from the week and lesson I am trying to figure out while I focus my Project Me energy on visualisation, affirmation and mediation.
Then it struck me. I don’t want to stay. If I accept being treated like this, then what am I saying to myself about how people can treat me. I HAVE worked hard to accepted into the circle of respected women and if I am treated like anything less, then what’s the point??
I stood there, pondering on whether I had turned into a snob or whether this decision was a purely personal and very empowering one.
Earlier in the week I wrote a post about my connection with a man and my fleeting regret as I got a glimpse of my low self esteem. Not 24 hours after that post did I find out that the man had lied to me. Nothing like a lesson in not regretting when you realise that the other option would have far more devastating and regretful. I’m single so I’m out there and trying to be like my other friends who are bold and ask the guy out. So I did that, with someone I have known for quite a while. He accepted my invitation on the Friday and sent me a measly whatsapp two hours before the event to say he didn’t have a car. Never fear, I would reclaim my faith in humanity when a very sweet guy I have been chatting to would take me to dinner (as he had promised) on Thursday. Of course not … asked for a rain check at a few minutes to starving, I was clutching at straws to keep believing that there are good people in the world.
Today didn’t help at all.
No!!! That’s not true.
So after messaging a couple of friends, who were all busy on a Saturday morning and having sent my mom on her way to my sister, I threw myself onto the couch and contemplated sulking. Of all the things that I’m feeling right now, it’s that there is a part of my personality that is dying to burst free. All I want (exactly one month to my 40th birthday) is to go away all by myself. I want a Shirley Valentine moment of my own. After driving away from the venue today, I contemplated taking myself for a hotel breakfast, then to the movies, and then to go to park I had never been before and just walk around. By the time I had mulled over all the plans, I was on the couch and all alone.
Project Me is about moments like this! It’s about listening to the voices and knowing that sometimes we just have to trust them and go with it. My voices were telling me, “guided meditation”, which I don’t have. Oh please, it’s 2013 … there’s not such thing. So in a few moments I had found some meditation apps and was settled into the couch doing a mediation called ‘THE SHIFT”.
Guided gently into relaxation of every part of my body and then left to wander in my future, I felt myself get absolutely lost in all that I know. My vision is clear! My compass has been set in the direction of my happiness for as long as I have been living Project Me! I’m not lost! My life isn’t off track and no situation that I find myself in is there set me back or set my esteem back.
I mentally flipped through my vision board. I chanted my affirmation and I glanced back at how far I have come and all that I have achieved. Then as the tempo of the music shifted, I gave thanks to every situation during the week that had given me the opportunity to stand at a crossroad. I watched myself take the path of highest esteem and started to glow in a deep knowing that I don’t need to repeat these lessons again.
Thank you life!!
Love, your student …
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour